If it has nothing to do with trust, then why can't you trust yourself with me? Why do I feel as though you regret what took place between us, as though you regret every moment you spend in private with me?
And I keep telling people that, but no one ever believes me! Or... if they believe me, it doesn't make any difference, and I end up saying the wrong thing and... I don't... regret it.
I don't regret it. But I don't know how to say what I mean.
I just feel... like the more time we spend together, the more time I want--
And you're especially allowed to want from me. But if you feel you should abstain, I can withhold my advances... although, I would never permit you to do something you honestly felt in your heart was ill-advised.
[She goes silent for a bit, unsure whether she should clarify. But, in the end... well. The implications seem clear enough. So, she bites on her lip, and her voice shifts a little - gets softer.]
...Helen just started talking to me again. I didn't think she ever would.
But my being near to you is only causing things to be more difficult for you. I don't want that.
Elena is a member of the Patrol, correct? She is also someone I am teaching about the art of sword fighting. Surely you can trust her and I to work together?
...and now she is thisclose to crying! Oops, wait she's already crying. :/
The same thing you did before my arrival, Priscilla. Don't be silly.
[ The sound of buttons being pressed can be heard as a list is reviewed. No sound of the gears in Isley's head turning, though, but you had better believe they're working hard, spinning fast. ]
...You do realize, of course, our not being partnered together does not mean that we cannot spend any time together, correct? I still intend to help you increase your skill with the sword.
Shouldn't that be enough?
Ah... here we are. Let's see. [ The clicking stops. ] Barring a partnership with Elena or Irene... other sensible choices include, but are not limited to: Mello, Clarice, Kaien, Angeal or even Zack.
I just don't know what to call it. It's... we're not really friends, are we? Because there's too much... something. But then we're not really together, either. But I feel guilty... when I miss Senji. Or when I look at someone else. But I feel guilty when I miss you, too. Or when I look at you. I just feel like I shouldn't, but then I can't help myself because you... make me ache. All over. But if we're not friends, and we're not... more than friends, what do I call it? You're one of the most important people in my whole life, and I only met you a few months ago.
I don't know what it is. I don't know what we are.
In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you would speak to the other Patrol members and see who would be most comfortable with temporarily switching partners.
The only way that I will reconsider... is if you can promise me that you can rise above your feelings of guilt. Deal with them however you must, but put them behind you.
Dwelling upon that which causes turmoil in your heart is not going to make things easier for you, after all... it will only make things more complicated. And in turn, that complicates matters for the rest of us, Priscilla.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Why, thank you.
NOW SHE IS HAVING GUILT ATTACKS
And I keep telling people that, but no one ever believes me! Or... if they believe me, it doesn't make any difference, and I end up saying the wrong thing and... I don't... regret it.
I don't regret it. But I don't know how to say what I mean.
I just feel... like the more time we spend together, the more time I want--
Well. The more I want. And I can't do that now.
Good.
And you're especially allowed to want from me. But if you feel you should abstain, I can withhold my advances... although, I would never permit you to do something you honestly felt in your heart was ill-advised.
Not that I expect you to believe me.
Re: Good.
[She goes silent for a bit, unsure whether she should clarify. But, in the end... well. The implications seem clear enough. So, she bites on her lip, and her voice shifts a little - gets softer.]
...Helen just started talking to me again. I didn't think she ever would.
[It's not a non-sequitur. Not really.]
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Then, I won't trouble you.
Perhaps I should be partnered with someone else on the Patrol.
[ It's not really a question. ]
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I don't... want to be away from you.
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Elena is a member of the Patrol, correct? She is also someone I am teaching about the art of sword fighting. Surely you can trust her and I to work together?
...and now she is thisclose to crying! Oops, wait she's already crying. :/
[Her voice trembles.]
This isn't coming out right. I'm not... saying the right things. I always- I don't-
[She sniffles. And wipes her eyes.]
Isley.
He'd offer a tissue, but only gentlemen carry hankies around...
FFFF. Also, I wanna smack her sometimes :|a
Why are you doing this? Is it really to make things easier on me, or are you just trying to upset me now?
I'm sorry if I hurt you. It wasn't... on purpose. If you want to hurt me back, you...
...if you want to hurt me back, then I'm hurting right now. So please stop. Please.
[...]
I don't know what I'd do without you.
...Almost. But not quite there yet.
[ The sound of buttons being pressed can be heard as a list is reviewed. No sound of the gears in Isley's head turning, though, but you had better believe they're working hard, spinning fast. ]
...You do realize, of course, our not being partnered together does not mean that we cannot spend any time together, correct? I still intend to help you increase your skill with the sword.
Shouldn't that be enough?
Ah... here we are. Let's see. [ The clicking stops. ] Barring a partnership with Elena or Irene... other sensible choices include, but are not limited to: Mello, Clarice, Kaien, Angeal or even Zack.
/)_(\
[So much silence.]
But it isn't enough.
^_^
My attempts at rectifying the situation are obviously not helping.
...Perhaps you should tell me what you want, then. In your own words, Priscilla.
Again I say, ISLEY, YOU BITCH.
[Not really an answer! Well. An attempt at evading an answer.]
*beams*
/shakes fist at!!
Actually, I've been wondering that for a while now.
*flashes teeth*
Until then, I think it is advisable for us to work separately while on patrol.
/s-sob.
I just don't know what to call it. It's... we're not really friends, are we? Because there's too much... something. But then we're not really together, either. But I feel guilty... when I miss Senji. Or when I look at someone else. But I feel guilty when I miss you, too. Or when I look at you. I just feel like I shouldn't, but then I can't help myself because you... make me ache. All over. But if we're not friends, and we're not... more than friends, what do I call it? You're one of the most important people in my whole life, and I only met you a few months ago.
I don't know what it is. I don't know what we are.
But I know I don't want us to be less.
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In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you would speak to the other Patrol members and see who would be most comfortable with temporarily switching partners.
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[And now she's crying again. A little. She wipes her eyes.
And for a bit there, she considers disconnecting on him. Because she isn't sure if she can take any more talking.
But that would be rude. So, instead...]
...all right.
[Sad and resigned Priscilla is sad and resigned.]
I think that's... I don't think I have anything else to say.
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Dwelling upon that which causes turmoil in your heart is not going to make things easier for you, after all... it will only make things more complicated. And in turn, that complicates matters for the rest of us, Priscilla.
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[...]
And... well. Maybe you. Although maybe not complicates, so much as... um. I must be frustrating sometimes. Or a lot of the time.
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Of course, most of the time it manages to be endearing.
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