You ask of me a great deal that I am uncomfortable with, and I comply. How is it not fair for me to ask of you something that takes... just as much work? Disrupts just as much comfort?
Not that it is my wish to make you uncomfortable, but... Priscilla... I do wish for you to understand me better, my side of things... and see where it is I am coming from.
[ A soft blanket of cool snow falls over the ice. His voice is suddenly more gentle, if no less wintry than before. A detached concern, or perhaps it is more... withheld. A protective measure? Maybe. ]
Well, it seems you've bitten off quite a bit more than you can chew as of lately... ah, that is to say, you've been through quite a lot, and you've had no reprieve from any of it. It's been one thing after another, and I wonder if that has anything to do with why... you fell ill in the first place.
But I digress... after all, that has nothing to do with why you're so afraid of me.
...I'M JUST GOING TO THE LOBBY, I THOUGHT MAYBE SOME CHEETOS... FROM THE VENDING MACHINE...
And I guess it is a digression, a bit. But it's not completely unrelated. ...Isley, I.
[She takes a deep breath, and... plays with her bedspread. Which ruffles the Forge a bit.]
I wish I could tell you how complicated you make... everything. Well. I guess I could, but it would take a while. I don't even know if I have the right words. And I'm not saying I want you to go away. And I'm not trying to be difficult, it's just that it's you. You make me feel so...
[Afraid? But that's circular. She bites on the knuckle of her thumb.]
...safe. In a way. And calm. And when I'm not with you, everything is confusing and loud and I'm so angry and so... sad all the time. And when I am with you, it's quieter, and I almost feel good again.
But that's... so terrible.
The vending machine you saw earlier is a figment of your imagination.
[...well! She's been trying not to think about it too much. But that joke.]
[She bites her bottom lip.]
Can you? Really?
[It's not that's skeptical. It's just that...]
[Well, okay she's skeptical.]
[In fact.]
Maybe. But not forever. And you would lose a lot, too... wouldn't you? Become weak.
[A little breath.]
Luciela told me.
And I don't want that, either. I don't want you weakened, because then they'll kill you. But I can't just say I don't want you to be weak, because then what am I saying? What am I hoping for? I don't want you hurting anyone either.
And here I am offering you the whole package... *leer*
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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As if... I have anything to gain by lying to you, and nothing at all to lose.
[ His voice is still frosty and offended, thin ice ready to break, cold water ready to rush up and pull the unsuspecting under. ]
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You don't know what you're asking of me.
[Her voice trembles. Much like she herself is.]
...please don't disconnect on me.
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Not that it is my wish to make you uncomfortable, but... Priscilla... I do wish for you to understand me better, my side of things... and see where it is I am coming from.
[ A soft blanket of cool snow falls over the ice. His voice is suddenly more gentle, if no less wintry than before. A detached concern, or perhaps it is more... withheld. A protective measure? Maybe. ]
You're trembling. Why?
No matter my disappointment, I won't hurt you.
no subject
It's much worse than with the others.
Therapist Isley icon is go!
What a horrible idea!
[And then she stops talking. Because yes, she has an answer. But, really, does she want to say it?]
[Maybe not.]
[But then again, is there any way around it at this point?]
[Her breath shakes.]
--I don't know if I should say.
But that's part of it. I never know what I should say. Because I can't trust you, not even if I want to. And I do want to.
But I can't stop wanting to, either.
It appears to be a problem stemming from your childhood. Let's dig deeper to get to the root of it.
...Although, you've already gotten sick, haven't you?
I wonder if that would have happened if you'd... been shouldering less of a burden.
Hmm...
o-oh god, no, let's not!
[Wait, what's that Hmming?]
...what?
But in order to cure you...
/slinks toward the door
...where do you think YOU'RE going?
But I digress... after all, that has nothing to do with why you're so afraid of me.
...I'M JUST GOING TO THE LOBBY, I THOUGHT MAYBE SOME CHEETOS... FROM THE VENDING MACHINE...
And I guess it is a digression, a bit. But it's not completely unrelated. ...Isley, I.
[She takes a deep breath, and... plays with her bedspread. Which ruffles the Forge a bit.]
I wish I could tell you how complicated you make... everything. Well. I guess I could, but it would take a while. I don't even know if I have the right words. And I'm not saying I want you to go away. And I'm not trying to be difficult, it's just that it's you. You make me feel so...
[Afraid? But that's circular. She bites on the knuckle of her thumb.]
...safe. In a way. And calm. And when I'm not with you, everything is confusing and loud and I'm so angry and so... sad all the time. And when I am with you, it's quieter, and I almost feel good again.
But that's... so terrible.
The vending machine you saw earlier is a figment of your imagination.
...lemme go check. >.>
...because it means you're the one who can ruin me.
Well, in that case... let me go with you. ^_^
Although, it could also mean that I'm the one that can save you from ruination.
.... that's okay. I know where it is. .../slinks
[A shaky little sigh.]
But. That's why I'm afraid of you.
I don't think you're going to hurt me. And I do believe you, most of the time. At least I do now.
You've been very... demonstrative.
Nonsense. I'll escort you.
Perhaps... if you're ever ready.
.... /runs for the door
[Hey, it's a joke. Sort of.]
But, Isley. Your nature, it's... It's not that I think it necessarily makes you awful. [...then again, she isn't saying he isn't awful, either.]
But the things you need to do. They're part of what you are.
/gives chase, because ooooh the chase is so much fun~
I can control my needs.
ahsbdbad OH MY GOD, I JUST WANTED THERAPY!!
[She bites her bottom lip.]
Can you? Really?
[It's not that's skeptical. It's just that...]
[Well, okay she's skeptical.]
[In fact.]
Maybe. But not forever. And you would lose a lot, too... wouldn't you? Become weak.
[A little breath.]
Luciela told me.
And I don't want that, either. I don't want you weakened, because then they'll kill you. But I can't just say I don't want you to be weak, because then what am I saying? What am I hoping for? I don't want you hurting anyone either.
And here I am offering you the whole package... *leer*
.... >.> you just wanna eat me!
[She stops talking, because she needs to calm the hell down. And she hugs her knees, digs her fingers into her calves.]
Maybe you're right. I mean... about the time.