That strikes me as a little backwards. It's like... signing contracts without reading them.
[Which she's definitely learned not to do.]
If you want me to reconsider, then tell me what you want from it. If that's what you actually want, and you're not just... asking me for impossible things as an excuse to do whatever you like later.
[ A long, drawn out sigh, and the sounds of shifting. Standing. Soft footsteps...pacing. ]
I want what I've always wanted from you, Priscilla.
You...all of you. I'm content to be in your company even if you loathe me for all that I've done. There is nothing else I could gain from having you close by my side.
[ Except knowing where you are. And perhaps being able to drive a sliver beneath your fingernails...something to distract you, or keep your attention on him. ]
Satisfied?
Can't say she doesn't learn from her mistakes, at least uh, sometimes
I don't believe you. If that's what you really wanted - if you really wanted my company, then my home wouldn't be in rubble, and you would be here with me now. Because you had that. I gave you... everything you ever asked of me. I gave you me. And I loved you. And you spat it back in my face.
I-- [She goes quiet, trying to calm herself and stem the raging storm inside her. Pull it all back. Wall it off. Again.] --you had your chance with me.
I don't know what you want, but I know it isn't what you say it is.
[ It's been a while since she's caused his yoki to spike, but there it is, an outward ripple that spreads with all the force and speed of a mindless storm. ]
My attack on the Patrol Headquarters was not a personal attack on you, whether you were cut the deepest by my actions or not, so you can stop misjudging my intentions by attempting to see beneath the surface, looking for things that are not there.
[ The wave ebbs back again...slowly. ]
All things must evolve to survive, Priscilla. All things.
...And if I am to remain in this world, I will see it evolve, also.
[ Again, the rise of yoki...like waves crashing against a shore, coming and going, with only seconds in between. ]
I will also see you evolve...but don't think unkindly of me for it. There is the possibility of you becoming...her, but there is also the possibility of you becoming strong enough, hardened enough to avoid that. If I did not believe in you, I would not push you as hard as I do.
You say that you loved me, but I believe, my dear...that I love you far more than you ever gave me credit for.
I'm willing to bear the burden of your hatred to help see your dreams of a fortified world...realized.
[She squeezes her eyes closed, trying to fight back the rather visceral panic that always causes. And now her voice is... tight.]
...that's very selfless of you, Isley. Really. I'm touched by the... immense suffering you've taken on yourself for my benefit.
[Someone has discovered the joys of sarcasm.]
But I don't want your help evolving. And you don't know anything about my dreams. Right now, in my favorite one, I leave you naked in the ruins and move on with my life. I only wish you could help me see that one realized.
...you don't love me. You don't love anything. And no matter how many times you say it, I'll never believe it again. Because nothing you say means anything to me, now.
When I was in Dismas, I couldn't think at all. And when I could, again... you were the one I most wanted to see. And now I can't-- I can't. And I am really trying to be happy now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
:|a She finds herself skeptical about his motivations.
[Which she's definitely learned not to do.]
If you want me to reconsider, then tell me what you want from it. If that's what you actually want, and you're not just... asking me for impossible things as an excuse to do whatever you like later.
She ought to be.
I want what I've always wanted from you, Priscilla.
You...all of you. I'm content to be in your company even if you loathe me for all that I've done. There is nothing else I could gain from having you close by my side.
[ Except knowing where you are. And perhaps being able to drive a sliver beneath your fingernails...something to distract you, or keep your attention on him. ]
Satisfied?
Can't say she doesn't learn from her mistakes, at least uh, sometimes
Sometimes.
And yet more often than it seems.
[...]
I don't believe you. If that's what you really wanted - if you really wanted my company, then my home wouldn't be in rubble, and you would be here with me now. Because you had that. I gave you... everything you ever asked of me. I gave you me. And I loved you. And you spat it back in my face.
I-- [She goes quiet, trying to calm herself and stem the raging storm inside her. Pull it all back. Wall it off. Again.] --you had your chance with me.
I don't know what you want, but I know it isn't what you say it is.
no subject
[ It's been a while since she's caused his yoki to spike, but there it is, an outward ripple that spreads with all the force and speed of a mindless storm. ]
My attack on the Patrol Headquarters was not a personal attack on you, whether you were cut the deepest by my actions or not, so you can stop misjudging my intentions by attempting to see beneath the surface, looking for things that are not there.
[ The wave ebbs back again...slowly. ]
All things must evolve to survive, Priscilla. All things.
...And if I am to remain in this world, I will see it evolve, also.
[ Again, the rise of yoki...like waves crashing against a shore, coming and going, with only seconds in between. ]
I will also see you evolve...but don't think unkindly of me for it. There is the possibility of you becoming...her, but there is also the possibility of you becoming strong enough, hardened enough to avoid that. If I did not believe in you, I would not push you as hard as I do.
You say that you loved me, but I believe, my dear...that I love you far more than you ever gave me credit for.
I'm willing to bear the burden of your hatred to help see your dreams of a fortified world...realized.
no subject
...that's very selfless of you, Isley. Really. I'm touched by the... immense suffering you've taken on yourself for my benefit.
[Someone has discovered the joys of sarcasm.]
But I don't want your help evolving. And you don't know anything about my dreams. Right now, in my favorite one, I leave you naked in the ruins and move on with my life. I only wish you could help me see that one realized.
...you don't love me. You don't love anything. And no matter how many times you say it, I'll never believe it again. Because nothing you say means anything to me, now.
no subject
[ I revoke my promise to protect Senji. ]
[ That'd be a start. ]
[ But to do that, to say it, would only prove her right. ]
[ Instead he sighs heavily, and when he speaks again, he sounds tired. ]
Perhaps I've never loved you in the way that you wanted...but that does not mean I never loved you at all. That I don't even now.
[ Even now that I am growing frustrated with you beyond any and all measure. ]
no subject
[And then a little silence. She rubs her face, and her voice gets... a little softer.]
...you need to calm your yoki. It's unnerving.
[Her voice shakes, too. And then she sniffles, wipes a few stray tears away with her fingertips.]
And now I have streaks all over my face.
no subject
I don't expect you'll allow me to do it for you.
[ Mmm...ignoring parts of the conversation again? Yes he is. ]
no subject
[Shaky breath. And then another.]
When I was in Dismas, I couldn't think at all. And when I could, again... you were the one I most wanted to see. And now I can't-- I can't. And I am really trying to be happy now.